First of all, I refuse to make this post about politics. I'm so sick of hearing the words "change" and "Washington, D.C." in the same sentence. It's an oxymoron.
I'm also one of those self-centered bloggers, so if I'm going to write about "change" it is going to have to have something to do with ME!
I have used my blogs to whine and moan about marriage, divorce, and men because those were whiny, moan-y posts I needed to make at the time.
Women are like that--we can't "move on" until we pontificate and express ourselves ad nauseum, preferably to an audience, which is why I blog because it is far better for me to foist myself on random internet strangers than my own friends and family, who I want to remain friendly with. I don't want them to get sick of my whining and moaning, so I reserve my crap for here. Sorry! (But not really...)
That being said, I am coming up on my 5th year of being divorced, my 12th year of being a parent, and my 40th year of being a human being, and it is time to make some changes. I have developed some bad habits lately, fueled by my relative wealth, boredom with my life, and bad ways of coping with stress. These things are not only unhealthy, but they actually end up contributing to my boredom with my life, and they aren't going to do much for my kids and my life expectancy, not to mention my relative wealth (which is being squandered by my impulsive ways).
To summarize, I drink too much cheap wine, eat too much fast food, and spend far too many hours with my butt parked on the couch. I don't spend as much "quality time" with my children as I should, and I don't pay any attention to my checking account balance (there always seems to be money there, so I just spend it haphazardly without thinking about it much). I've been in my new house since July, and there are still dozens of unpacked boxes in my garage and stacked randomly in my bedroom and living room. I'm no longer involved in a custody dispute, and it's high time I "let go" of certain obsessions involving ill-fated relationships with unattainable men, so there really is no excuse for me to be sitting on my couch moping around (or, for that matter, whining and moaning to the internet) anymore.
So, change is coming.
1. Exercise. I was told in no uncertain terms by my doctor that she fully expects me to have a heart attack any day now. Ordinarily, I would have protested, but now that I'm 40 and have ridiculously high blood pressure, I probably should take her somewhat seriously. I have all the high-risk factors for heart disease and breast cancer: too much alcohol, high-fat diet, sedentary lifestyle, and a family history for both. Shit. So, I'm going to get serious about what I eat and how I spend my non-working hours (when I'm working, I'm tied to a computer or a telephone, so I pretty much have to park my butt in a chair). I can exercise on weekends, and I can surely manage to fit something in at least 2 other days each week (especially since Grey's Anatomy has gone from bad to worse and sucks so bad I can't even watch it anymore).
2. Budget. One of the greatest things post-divorce was discovering that I didn't have to balance my checkbook anymore because I was the only person spending money out of the account for a change. Plus, I got two promotions and make more money than I ever could have imagined possible at this stage of my life. I also spend money like a teenager--I see shiny objects, and I buy them. I don't feel like cooking, so we eat out at restaurants. I find things for sale on the internet, and I buy those too. Never big ticket items, just lots of "little things" that add up to, well, ridiculous sums of money for things I didn't really need. That leaves me without money for the Big Ticket Items that I really want, like a new couch, a Pool Table, a trip to Yellowstone, and airplane tickets to visit my sister and a certain person who lives in the Pacific Northwest. It also leaves me without money for the Big Ticket Items I truly need, like new tires and a tune-up for my Camry, which has aged along with me. So, I'm going to get serious about tracking my expenditures and sticking to a budget, especially when it comes to groceries, which leads me to the next change...
3. Cooking. I cannot believe how much I squander on groceries! Half the food I buy, I have to throw out because it goes bad before I can use it. Back in my Starving College Student days, I used to plan every meal for the week before going to the grocery store. I would "estimate" the cost and go grocery shopping with a calculator in hand to make sure I didn't "over-spend." I only bought the items on my list. Nowadays, I just go, throw things in the cart, stock up on sale items, and before you know it, I've spent $150 and still have to make another trip to the grocery store later in the week to fix a meal I want to fix but don't have ingredients for. This is insanity! I love to cook, yet I complain that I make the same old stuff for dinner every week because I'm too uninspired and disorganized to plan ahead and be prepared to try something new. I have STACKS of recipes from magazines, yet I never make any of them. So, on the weekends, I will now be required to map out our meals for the week and make a grocery list with very specific items--no extras, no surprises. And I bet I will not only save money, but we'll eat out less and probably have more nutritious meals.
4. Get Organized. Weekdays are a little crazy in this house with school and the Job and what not, but weekends most certainly are NOT. There is plenty of time in those weekends to take care of errands, make lists, do chores, plan for the week ahead, etc. I've never been much of a goal-setter--I sort of drift through and somehow manage to have opportunities and accomplishments land in my lap, but I bought a "self-help" kind of book (yeah, I know--SHUT UP!) and one of the first things I was required to do was make a list of 25 things I wanted to be, do, or have. I made a great list. It was great because it was all just so EASY! Every last one of those things was something I could easily accomplish with a little thought and effort. I'm not one for challenges. I like easy.
Oh, don't get me wrong. My life will still be boring, but I won't be bored living it. That's the difference--I haven't been living. Instead I have just been half-heartedly going through the motions and not taking the time to wake up every morning with a mission to accomplish lots of boring little things. Consequently, I would go to bed each night feeling like I had wasted yet another day.
No more.
That being said, it's time to get off this computer and start my day. I've got things to do, lists to make, boxes to unpack, vegetables to buy, floors to mop, and a family to care for. The fog has lifted, and the day stretches before me, filled with options!
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
New Year's Resolutions
Every year I make New Year’s Resolutions. Every year I don’t accomplish much of what I set out to do, but I have had some success over the years, so I continue to go through this annual process. My resolutions for 2008 are particularly important because 2008 is the year in which I will turn (gasp) 40! I’m not upset about turning 40. I knew I was going to eventually be “in my ‘40s” someday-it’s not really something you can avoid. But, that makes this year my last year “in my ‘30s” and, for some reason, I am struggling with this.
I have enjoyed being in my ‘30s. Even though I had to deal with a lot of difficult things during these years, it was still a defining decade of my life. It was my first decade of motherhood. It was the decade my career really took off. It was the decade of my divorce and independence. It was the decade of financial maturity, gains, and losses. And now there is only 1 year left (actually, only 9 months because I hit the Big Four-Oh in early September)! I want to close out this most significant of decades in a good way, and that means I have to accomplish certain things that have gone unfinished or incomplete thus far.
So, here goes:
Get Healthy
Notice I titled this one “Get Healthy” rather than “Lose Weight”-that’s significant because it speaks to my motivation. How I look to someone else (i.e., a man) is no longer important (because there is no man). Instead, my motivation is to improve my health by improving my choices and adjusting my lifestyle. Ultimately, I would like to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I’ll be happy if I just lose the 30 pounds I picked up since the divorce. I have never been an active person-I don’t play sports, I don’t like to exercise, and most of my activities involve sitting at a desk (work, writing) or on a couch (reading). I have always had good health and never worried much about it, but now that I will be entering my 40s, I need to be more conscientious. Heart disease runs in my father’s family, breast cancer and osteoporosis in my mother’s. My blood pressure is high. My excess weight gain and sedentary lifestyle are putting me at risk of developing diabetes. I eat a diet high in carbs and fat. Because I am busy and don’t plan ahead, I wind up eating fast food far too often. I am not much for diets, because I enjoy food too much, but I can certainly control portion sizes and stop skipping breakfast. I can also pack a healthy lunch for myself every day with a little planning. I’m going to cut back on red meat and add more fish to my diet, as well as whole grains. I’m also going to drink more water. My sister got me 2 exercise DVDs for Christmas, so I’m going to exercise at home. Because of the kids, I really can’t join a gym or walk in the mornings because I can’t leave them at home alone. Exercising in my living room is my only option, but that’s certainly do-able, and I’d actually prefer exercising in privacy rather than going to a gym (I HATE gyms)! Now that I’m sleeping better at night, I have no excuse for not getting up an hour earlier to exercise and pack myself a lunch in the mornings. I have got to be more active and make exercise part of my daily routine. I also need to set a good example for the kids, and that means we need to be more active on the weekends-that means family bike rides, tennis, hikes, etc. We live in a place with the most perfect climate in the world. Our weather is mild and tolerable almost year-round. We need to take advantage of our opportunities to be outdoors, which leads to my next resolution.
Get Out More
I spend too much time shut up in my house. So, I have joined a local hiking club. I can’t really take my kids off on a hike if I don’t know what I am doing myself, or where I am going. While the kids can’t come with me on these hiking excursions, I’ll at least get to try out the hike with experienced hikers and then I’ll be able to take the kids at another time. The group is quite diverse, and it will be a good way to learn things I need to learn and meet some new people at the same time. I’ve already signed up for one hike in January and will do another one in February. Additionally, the group is going camping at the Grand Canyon in April, and I may participate in that one as well. I have always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon, but the kids aren’t old enough to manage that much hiking yet. I’m also going to go fishing more this year and maybe take Fly Fishing lessons. Another outlet: the “Women’s Wilderness Institute” which offers week-long backpacking adventures in the Southwest. This will be a great way for me to become knowledgeable and acquire some “survival skills” so I will feel more confident taking the kids on camping/hiking trips on my own instead of just with my son’s Scout group.
More Activities for the Kids
I haven’t had a lot of disposable income these last few years, and my kids have suffered. They both deserve to have music lessons and recreational activities, and I plan on getting them those this year, even if it means taking time off of work. I’ve signed my daughter up for American Girl activities at our public library (free), and I’m going to sign them both up for tennis lessons through Parks and Recreation this Spring. My son wants to play football, so I’ll pursue that for him as well. I have to stop using work and my “single mom” status as an excuse. I can arrange to make these things happen for them, especially since I have my parents here, and they have offered to help with the transportation to and from these activities. I try to do this all on my own, so I won’t depend on them too much, but I can’t be in two places at one time, so it’s time to take them up on their offer.
Buy a House
I will definitely accomplish this before my birthday. I can’t wait to move! And I will find a house that has everything I want—2 car garage, landscaped backyard, big kitchen, lots of light, and an open floor plan. I have to buckle down and get some major expenses out of the way, but once those are behind me, I’ll be ready to begin seriously looking at houses. In the meantime, I will start packing and clearing out “junk” to prepare for the move.
Build My Savings
Now that the divorce is behind me, it’s time to start building my Savings. I have dedicated a portion of my paycheck to be directly deposited into my Savings Account each pay period. That account will be my “emergency fund” as well as a resource for buying new furniture (I desperately need new sofas for my living room) and paying for a decent vacation every couple of years. I’m also going to bump up contributions to my retirement account. If I do start getting child support from the ex, I’m going to take half of whatever I get and put it into the kids’ College Savings accounts. The other half will be put into a separate savings account which will pay for their activities and clothes. I might even let the kids manage that money themselves.
Maximize My Weekend Time
I have two weekends a month to myself in addition to two entire months during the summer, and I need to take advantage of that time to do things I can’t ordinarily do with kids in tow. This is my time to tackle large projects (like getting my scrapbooks up-to-date, re-finishing my desk, organizing my recipe clippings, cleaning out the garage,etc.) and it is also my time to go fishing, take a hike, etc. This year I want to be able to say I completed or accomplished something significant every weekend that I have to myself. I’m actually going to keep a journal to identify what I did. On the weekends that I have my kids, I want to do the same—be able to say that we did something as a family, whether it be play tennis, have friends over to spend the night, or spend a weekend camping. All of us work hard during the week—me at the office, the kids at school. Weekends should be significant for all of us.
Read the Bible with the Kids
My church, along with several other area churches, is participating in a project to get members to read through the New Testament in 3 months. They handed out CDs in addition to a small, paperback New Testament with reading assignments. In 15-20 minutes a day, you can read through the entire New Testament in just a couple of months. I think this is a perfect opportunity for me and my kids. My faith has always been a private, solitary thing for me, since I came from a family of non-believers and my ex never went to church with me. But, how can I expect my kids to believe in anything if I don’t share what I believe with them? I bought a book of Family Devotions a couple of years ago, and we would do them a couple of times a week, but I thought some of them were kind of “hokey” and forced and weren’t realistic examples for my kids, and we eventually stopped doing them. But, when we were doing them, the kids enjoyed looking up the verses and reading out loud from the Bible. This project will be the perfect starting point for us.
My “theme” this year is to do things that make me feel good about myself. So often I beat myself up because I’m not happy with how I look or what I have failed to do. I’ve spent far too much time dwelling on the negatives. This year I’m going to focus on all of the things that I have been able to accomplish. To make it easier, I am keeping track, so whenever I start criticizing myself, I can pull out my journals and see what I have to be proud of. I bought a few pretty, blank journals at the bookstore and a fountain pen. I carry them with me in my briefcase, along with my Day Planner, so they are always with me. These journals will mostly be a collection of lists, but they will be the kind of lists I want to keep and reflect upon (especially when I can cross things off of them!)
I have enjoyed being in my ‘30s. Even though I had to deal with a lot of difficult things during these years, it was still a defining decade of my life. It was my first decade of motherhood. It was the decade my career really took off. It was the decade of my divorce and independence. It was the decade of financial maturity, gains, and losses. And now there is only 1 year left (actually, only 9 months because I hit the Big Four-Oh in early September)! I want to close out this most significant of decades in a good way, and that means I have to accomplish certain things that have gone unfinished or incomplete thus far.
So, here goes:
Get Healthy
Notice I titled this one “Get Healthy” rather than “Lose Weight”-that’s significant because it speaks to my motivation. How I look to someone else (i.e., a man) is no longer important (because there is no man). Instead, my motivation is to improve my health by improving my choices and adjusting my lifestyle. Ultimately, I would like to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I’ll be happy if I just lose the 30 pounds I picked up since the divorce. I have never been an active person-I don’t play sports, I don’t like to exercise, and most of my activities involve sitting at a desk (work, writing) or on a couch (reading). I have always had good health and never worried much about it, but now that I will be entering my 40s, I need to be more conscientious. Heart disease runs in my father’s family, breast cancer and osteoporosis in my mother’s. My blood pressure is high. My excess weight gain and sedentary lifestyle are putting me at risk of developing diabetes. I eat a diet high in carbs and fat. Because I am busy and don’t plan ahead, I wind up eating fast food far too often. I am not much for diets, because I enjoy food too much, but I can certainly control portion sizes and stop skipping breakfast. I can also pack a healthy lunch for myself every day with a little planning. I’m going to cut back on red meat and add more fish to my diet, as well as whole grains. I’m also going to drink more water. My sister got me 2 exercise DVDs for Christmas, so I’m going to exercise at home. Because of the kids, I really can’t join a gym or walk in the mornings because I can’t leave them at home alone. Exercising in my living room is my only option, but that’s certainly do-able, and I’d actually prefer exercising in privacy rather than going to a gym (I HATE gyms)! Now that I’m sleeping better at night, I have no excuse for not getting up an hour earlier to exercise and pack myself a lunch in the mornings. I have got to be more active and make exercise part of my daily routine. I also need to set a good example for the kids, and that means we need to be more active on the weekends-that means family bike rides, tennis, hikes, etc. We live in a place with the most perfect climate in the world. Our weather is mild and tolerable almost year-round. We need to take advantage of our opportunities to be outdoors, which leads to my next resolution.
Get Out More
I spend too much time shut up in my house. So, I have joined a local hiking club. I can’t really take my kids off on a hike if I don’t know what I am doing myself, or where I am going. While the kids can’t come with me on these hiking excursions, I’ll at least get to try out the hike with experienced hikers and then I’ll be able to take the kids at another time. The group is quite diverse, and it will be a good way to learn things I need to learn and meet some new people at the same time. I’ve already signed up for one hike in January and will do another one in February. Additionally, the group is going camping at the Grand Canyon in April, and I may participate in that one as well. I have always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon, but the kids aren’t old enough to manage that much hiking yet. I’m also going to go fishing more this year and maybe take Fly Fishing lessons. Another outlet: the “Women’s Wilderness Institute” which offers week-long backpacking adventures in the Southwest. This will be a great way for me to become knowledgeable and acquire some “survival skills” so I will feel more confident taking the kids on camping/hiking trips on my own instead of just with my son’s Scout group.
More Activities for the Kids
I haven’t had a lot of disposable income these last few years, and my kids have suffered. They both deserve to have music lessons and recreational activities, and I plan on getting them those this year, even if it means taking time off of work. I’ve signed my daughter up for American Girl activities at our public library (free), and I’m going to sign them both up for tennis lessons through Parks and Recreation this Spring. My son wants to play football, so I’ll pursue that for him as well. I have to stop using work and my “single mom” status as an excuse. I can arrange to make these things happen for them, especially since I have my parents here, and they have offered to help with the transportation to and from these activities. I try to do this all on my own, so I won’t depend on them too much, but I can’t be in two places at one time, so it’s time to take them up on their offer.
Buy a House
I will definitely accomplish this before my birthday. I can’t wait to move! And I will find a house that has everything I want—2 car garage, landscaped backyard, big kitchen, lots of light, and an open floor plan. I have to buckle down and get some major expenses out of the way, but once those are behind me, I’ll be ready to begin seriously looking at houses. In the meantime, I will start packing and clearing out “junk” to prepare for the move.
Build My Savings
Now that the divorce is behind me, it’s time to start building my Savings. I have dedicated a portion of my paycheck to be directly deposited into my Savings Account each pay period. That account will be my “emergency fund” as well as a resource for buying new furniture (I desperately need new sofas for my living room) and paying for a decent vacation every couple of years. I’m also going to bump up contributions to my retirement account. If I do start getting child support from the ex, I’m going to take half of whatever I get and put it into the kids’ College Savings accounts. The other half will be put into a separate savings account which will pay for their activities and clothes. I might even let the kids manage that money themselves.
Maximize My Weekend Time
I have two weekends a month to myself in addition to two entire months during the summer, and I need to take advantage of that time to do things I can’t ordinarily do with kids in tow. This is my time to tackle large projects (like getting my scrapbooks up-to-date, re-finishing my desk, organizing my recipe clippings, cleaning out the garage,etc.) and it is also my time to go fishing, take a hike, etc. This year I want to be able to say I completed or accomplished something significant every weekend that I have to myself. I’m actually going to keep a journal to identify what I did. On the weekends that I have my kids, I want to do the same—be able to say that we did something as a family, whether it be play tennis, have friends over to spend the night, or spend a weekend camping. All of us work hard during the week—me at the office, the kids at school. Weekends should be significant for all of us.
Read the Bible with the Kids
My church, along with several other area churches, is participating in a project to get members to read through the New Testament in 3 months. They handed out CDs in addition to a small, paperback New Testament with reading assignments. In 15-20 minutes a day, you can read through the entire New Testament in just a couple of months. I think this is a perfect opportunity for me and my kids. My faith has always been a private, solitary thing for me, since I came from a family of non-believers and my ex never went to church with me. But, how can I expect my kids to believe in anything if I don’t share what I believe with them? I bought a book of Family Devotions a couple of years ago, and we would do them a couple of times a week, but I thought some of them were kind of “hokey” and forced and weren’t realistic examples for my kids, and we eventually stopped doing them. But, when we were doing them, the kids enjoyed looking up the verses and reading out loud from the Bible. This project will be the perfect starting point for us.
My “theme” this year is to do things that make me feel good about myself. So often I beat myself up because I’m not happy with how I look or what I have failed to do. I’ve spent far too much time dwelling on the negatives. This year I’m going to focus on all of the things that I have been able to accomplish. To make it easier, I am keeping track, so whenever I start criticizing myself, I can pull out my journals and see what I have to be proud of. I bought a few pretty, blank journals at the bookstore and a fountain pen. I carry them with me in my briefcase, along with my Day Planner, so they are always with me. These journals will mostly be a collection of lists, but they will be the kind of lists I want to keep and reflect upon (especially when I can cross things off of them!)
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