Wedding

I love weddings, despite being a divorced and bitter Old Hag (ha ha). I love wedding dresses and wedding cakes and wedding flowers and wedding music and wedding invitations. Let's face it, weddings are the Ultimate Party!

I was at Target yesterday, looking for some cheap stationery and came across these pre-packaged, do-it-yourself "Wedding Invitation Kits." You could run the invitations and envelopes through your home computer printer, and the sets also featured co-ordinated boxes of Thank You notes. They were hip and trendy and SO DARN CHEAP, it made me love Target even more than I already love Target. Of course, I also realized that my mother and my grandmother would have been HORRIFIED if any one of their progeny resorted to such a hideous option. They came from generations that custom-ordered engraved invitations from a quality stationer! Their standards for what was considered "proper" and "classy" influenced and intimidated me when I was planning my own wedding, years ago.

The one thing I DESPISE about weddings is the COST. To me, the amount of money people can spend on weddings these days seems absolutely ridiculous, so that's why it makes me happy to see do-it-yourself invitation kits on clearance at Target. Weddings should be special occasions and should be an event people will remember, but they don't have to be outrageously expensive, either. I cringe when I watch Hollywood's depiction of the perfect wedding. Remember the absolute avalanche of flowers in the Southern church when Julia Roberts got married in Steel Magnolias? Beautiful, but as a recently-married person, all I could think was HOLY CRAP that's like ten thousand dollar's worth of flowers! And what about Kimberly Williams wedding in Father of the Bride? ICE Sculptures? Seriously, ICE SCULPTURES!?!? The price tag of those affairs is something absolutely unattainable by the majority of the population! Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would have a wedding anywhere close to those!

I got married young by today's standards (21). My older sister was attending Physical Therapy school, and my parents were paying Out-of-State Tuition to the tune of about $20K per year, plus the cost of housing for her. I was within one semester of graduating from college, and fairly self-sufficient, since I was already working part-time and my tuition was covered by scholarship money. My wedding cost a grand total of $5,000. While I was planning my wedding, I was very conscious of the cost of everything from food to flowers. I recall being supremely pissed off at the Wedding Dress shop that ordered my dress of choice (cost less than $500) in a size 10 when I was a size 4 and had specifically requested they order a size 6 (it didn't come any smaller). When I went in to pick up the dress and they immediately tried to book me for "alterations," I knew right away that they had purposely ordered the dress 3 sizes too big just to weasel another $250 out of me for "alterations." HMPH! They obviously did not know who they were dealing with! I learned how to sew my own clothes in the 4th grade, and I took that enormous dress home, ripped out seams, added darts, and altered it to fit me perfectly...for FREE! (I also made my own veil and headpiece with $35 and a trip to the local fabric store.)

So, I had a low-budget wedding. My parents didn't go into debt, I was never a "Bridezilla," and it was a pretty nice day, all things considered. What I remember (and value) the most out of that day was the fact that my grandfather, although suffering from Congestive Heart Failure, made the trip (against his doctor's orders), to attend his granddaughter's wedding. My wedding photos are some of the last photos we have of my Grandpa because he died shortly thereafter. My other favorite memory was the feeling I had when they opened up the doors to me to walk down the aisle, and I was overcome with the smiling faces of family and friends who showed up not for the food, or the music, or the dancing, or the booze (because there wasn't any of that--my reception was held at the church and was alcohol-free with "light refreshments" and no dancing.) They showed up just because they were my friends or my parents' friends or my Grooms' friends or my Grooms' Family. I had no regrets about my low-budget wedding, even after attending the larger, fancier weddings of my friends over the years.

There is a well-known, affluent family from my city who made their fortune distributing a particular brand of beer (which shall remain nameless). The family now owns a professional basketball team and some hotels in Las Vegas and the sons have appeared in TV commercials eating $6 hamburgers, washing them down with bottles of wine that cost more than a new sofa. A few of my college Gal Pals went to school with the Daughter from this family, and none of them liked her--found her to be the Typical Little Rich Girl (arrogant and pretentious). She got married with much fanfare (The band KISS played at her wedding) a few years after I got married. HER wedding probably cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Forgive my friends and me, but when we learned she got divorced less than 2 years after that public spectacle, we snickered (because while we are not pretentious, we are arrogant and, also, catty--ha ha!)

The best wedding I have ever been to was the Low-Budget Affair of one of my college sorority sisters. She and the groom had only recently finished school and were working at crappy jobs (she in retail, he in direct sales). They were a lovely pair, full of potential, but they came from "broken homes" and none of their parents could provide much monetary assistance with wedding expenses. They had their wedding outdoors (which is always risky) at a restaurant that overlooked a Golf Course. They got a "deal" on the location because the restaurant purchased liquor from the Groom's employer and the Groom was their salesperson. He knew the bartenders and the waiters and waitresses at the restaurant and invited them all to his wedding. They were all poor, starving college students, so their gift to the Bride and Groom was to "work" the wedding at NO COST. The Manager of the Restaurant provided the food at "cost." The Groom and his Groomsmen wore khaki Levi Docker's with light blue oxford cloth button-down shirts and navy blue blazers, purchased on sale at a local department store. The bridesmaids wore plain navy blue linen sheath dresses (very Jackie-O) purchased for less than $40 each at The Limited (I know because I had the very same dress in Yellow that I wore for YEARS with a cream-colored linen blazer to work and just a long strand of fake pearls for church and weddings). The bride wore a funky dress that she picked up for a steal off a "sales rack" (because it was a really funky dress, but she was one of those women who could pull off a "funky" look, so it worked perfectly for her.) Just as the ceremony was about to start, the clouds rolled in, blocking out the glaring sun, which made everyone more comfortable on a hot day. A cool breeze blew in, but no rain. Perfect for an outdoor wedding because nobody was squinting in the photographs, and everyone was comfortable.

It was a truly beautiful wedding with less than 100 guests, all of whom had a great time. The wedding was beautiful because the Bride and Groom were surrounded by people who liked them and loved them. It was unpretentious and simple and the people who attended were there not out of "obligation," but because they were truly happy for this particular couple and wanted to wish them the best. There were so many personal touches, done partly in an effort to "save money," and partly to personalize the wedding itself. It was a truly lovely event.

Nowadays, I think people have far more options to create weddings in all kinds of different price ranges. I've been to weddings held in a National Forest, weddings held at the base of a ski hill, and weddings held in a tiny little chapel connected to a photographer's studio. I once even witnessed a wedding reception in a local park with picnic tables outfitted with plastic tablecloths and take-out Fried Chicken and potato salad. I've also been to weddings held in large, old churches followed by receptions in swanky hotels. I've been to wedding receptions that lasted over 6 hours, and receptions that were over within an hour.

While I think it is unlikely that I will ever get married again, I still secretly enjoy thinking about how I would do another wedding. I still enjoy weddings and look forward to the day my children have weddings of their own. I hope to participate in the planning, but, hopefully, without dictating (something Mothers are known for). Maybe the wedding will be in my own backyard. Maybe I'll own the fabulous Bed and Breakfast of my dreams by then, complete with English garden and pond. Perhaps I will actually be in the wedding business, renting out my B&B for such events.

Weddings can be full of Pomp and Circumstance, but they can also be sweetly intimate. Whatever the "style" of the wedding, it in no way guarantees the success of the marriage. I admit that I am biased against huge, expensive productions--I consider them to be a bit of a bad omen. Throwing such great sums of money around seems a bit like gambling to me--a risk I wouldn't want to take.

Sometimes, the simpler the event, and the fewer the guests, the more genuine the wedding.

40 and FABULOUS!

I neglect this blog terribly. I started it because my Other Blog had become too familiar and "known" by Real People. I came over here to be more anonymous, so I could write things I wanted to write but felt I could not post at the Other Blog. Plus, I also recognized that my Other Blog was becoming far too boring because I KNEW I had an audience, and I was pretty much writing for that audience, instead of writing for ME. So I started this Blog, and then I realized that whatever I posted here (outside Sunday Scribblings, of course) was basically anonymous and completely ignored by the Universe, and that offended me because I felt I was saying really significant and important things.

What a Narcissistic Blow-Hard I am, huh?

Yeah, well, so what? I DON'T CARE. And you know WHY I don't care? Because I turned 40 more than a week ago, and it did NOT bother me one iota!

A lot of really good things happened to me in my 30s, but a lot of really bad stuff happened to me, too. As my 40th birthday loomed on the horizon, I took stock and realized that I was starting off this new decade in my life in a very, very good place. I have a fabulous new house, a job that I love (which is, nicely, recession-proof), and I have GREAT kids, lots of friends, and a wonderful (although small) family. Yeah, I'm overweight and single with Lots O' Baggage, but that is OKAY. I have learned that I can take care of myself. I have accepted--FINALLY--that I'm smart and talented and I deserve everything that has come to me because I earned it.

And you know what I did for my 40th birthday? (Well, on the actual day, I flew to Washington, D.C. for a work trip, so I really didn't celebrate until 4 days after my actual birthday.)

I threw myself a PARTY!

It was a New House/Promotion/40th Birthday Party, and while I struggled with the audacity of throwing myself my own party, I also recognized that nobody was going to do it for me, and, dammit, I wanted to have a party! I spent hundreds of dollars on groceries and booze, and I invited everybody I knew--co-workers, Boy Scout Parents, College friends, High School friends, Church people--you name them, I invited them.

It was a lot of work, but it was wonderful! I have an awesome house. I'm also an awesome cook. My friends and co-workers are awesome people with cool kids. What's not to love?

Tomorrow, I am hostessing a Women's Group from Church. Next Friday, I will be hostessing a Scrapbooking party. A few weeks after that, I have out-of-town company coming for a visit during Balloon Fiesta, so I am already planning a Weekend Itinerary of all things glorious and wonderful about New Mexico (besides Hot Air Balloons), like the World's Longest Tram, the Jetsons-inspired Spaceship House, a Miraculous Staircase within a small, old church in Santa Fe, a haunted restaurant housed in the Oldest Residence in Albuquerque, fresh-roasted green chile, and home-cooked meals served on my Back Patio with a fantastic view of amazing and awe-inspiring sunsets.

I no longer sit around feeling sorry for myself. I'm BUSY--I've got things to do, people to see, places to go...

Unfortunately, that also means my garage is still filled with boxes of stuff I have yet to unpack, not to mention my Ex-Husband's Worldly Possessions (he got divorced from the StepMonster and is back in town, living with his parents for now, and storing his "stuff" in my garage and in my shed because despite being a highly-empowered Woman of Substance, I am still incapable of being a complete Asshole to anyone that my kids happen to care about. SHUT UP!)

40 is good. I'm totally okay with turning 40, and I honestly don't "get" why it is such a huge issue for so many women. Women who have trouble turning 40 must be women who have lived their lives based on "their looks." They freak out at 40 because that's when "aging" becomes visibly apparent. If you base your value to the world on "how you look," well, then I guess turning 40 is a problem. But, I'm happy to report, it was NOT a problem for ME!

I have always had to rely on my brains, my wit, and my personality because I never have been much to look at. It has served me well--I don't need superficial attention to validate my existence. I am who I am right now, and I have finally, for once in my life, STOPPED caring about what "other people" think about me. I care what my friends think. I care what my family thinks. I care what my co-workers think. But I don't really care what anyone else thinks.

Coffee

Years ago, when my kids were little, and I was sleep-deprived, I couldn't leave for work without two large travel mugs full of coffee. I had a 30-minute commute and would suck down the equivalent of about 4 mugs of coffee during my journey. I love the way coffee smells, but I have to drink it with milk (or, better yet, cream) and artificial sweetener. I refused to buy my coffee at coffee shops, particularly Starbuck's (which I consider to be an Evil Empire, forcing thousands of small, independent coffee shop owners out of business.) It seemed like an atrocious waste of money, especially when I could make it at home--I even had an Espresso machine, so I could make my own lattes.

I only drank coffee on weekdays. On the weekends, I rarely drank it. And I didn't drink it for the caffeine buzz because I honestly couldn't feel any effects from the caffeine. I could drink coffee at 11:30 at night, and be sound asleep by midnight. I think I probably drank coffee all the way up until my divorce. My ex drank coffee--tons of it. He had to have non-dairy creamer (not milk) and about 3 spoonfuls of sugar in his. After he moved out, I stopped drinking coffee. I think I made it for him, really, rather than for me--I just drank it because it was there. I suffered no withdrawal symptoms. I just got up one morning and didn't make coffee. Simple as that.

I've always been more of a tea-drinker, and I drink my tea the same way I drank my coffee--only with a little less milk and about half a package of artificial sweetener. I can also drink my tea "straight up" without milk or sweetener--something I could never do with coffee. I love everything about tea--I love tea cups and saucers and tea pots that come in all shapes and sizes. Admittedly, I most often drink my tea in a coffee mug, but I own plenty of tea cups and they are the first thing I look for in antique stores. I have this lovely dream of owning a Bed and Breakfast someday, with a fancy Tea Room for the locals. I will serve up the tea in my vast "collection" of tea cups and saucers, acquired from antique stores. I rarely drink tea on weekdays--I'm always in a rush on weekday mornings and tea is not something that can be rushed. Tea is for drinking when you can curl up on the couch or read the newspaper on your back patio. It is made for those times when you have peace and quiet. Tea does not belong in Travel Mugs or paper cups. It belongs on a table, in a proper cup.

It is no wonder that tea drinkers in the United States are discriminated against. Coffee is the beverage of America. It's bold and brash and arrogant. If you have a cup of coffee in your hand, everyone else can smell it. Taking a "coffee break" is a perfectly acceptable excuse to leave your desk. Tea? Not so much. If you order "hot tea" at a restaurant, they either bring you a tiny little pot of hot water or a single mug of hot water with a single tea bag. If you ask for more hot water, they expect you to re-use that same tea bag. Yeck! I hate weak tea! I use my tea bags once, and throw them away! Coffee drinkers, on the other hand, get unlimited refills, without having to ask. Tea drinkers have to flag down a waiter or waitress and request additional hot water and additional tea bags, and sometimes they CHARGE you for an additional tea bag! Why is that when coffee beans cost far more than tea? I know some tea drinkers who actually carry extra tea bags around in their purses for this very reason. Hotels will put tea bags in the little caddy next to the 4-cup coffee-maker, but you can't drink tea from a coffee-maker because it will always taste like coffee. And they put out exactly two tea bags--one regular and one decaf. Phffffft!

My mother was a tea-drinker. She drank tea all day long, probably anywhere from 6 to 10 cups a day, and then she always had iced tea with dinner. She was an Earl Grey fan, and while I like Earl Grey, I'm happiest with plain ol' English Breakfast. Sometimes I'll try the flavored teas, but I'm still most content with a basic, traditional, black tea.

My father attended a conference in Victoria, British Columbia about 15 years ago, and my mother and my sister accompanied him on his trip. I was unable to go--can't exactly remember why now because this was before I had children--probably a work conflict. They visited Butchart Gardens and had "High Tea" at the Empress Hotel. I was immensely jealous, and vow that someday before I die, I will spend a weekend in Victoria! It was during this trip that my mother discovered Murchie's Tea--that's what the Empress Hotel serves. She brought back boxes and boxes of Murchie's Tea, and gave me a box containing a sampler of the various blends, including the Empress Afternoon blend served at the Hotel, and the Golden Jubilee blend, created for Queen Elizabeth. While she would still buy tea at Trader Joe's or specialty shops, Murchie's became her regular supplier. Shipping and handling wasn't cheap, but to her it was worth every penny for good quality tea. She never drank Lipton's or Bigelow tea ever again.

She had placed a large order with Murchie's just before she went into the hospital. It arrived a few days after she died. I can only imagine how my Dad felt the moment he opened up the box that was delivered to his doorstep. At her Memorial Service, we put out a tray of tea bags in a multitude of blends, so everyone could enjoy a good cup of tea in her memory. She had an entire cabinet in her kitchen filled with various teas--all kinds of flavors, many of them gifts from friends and family because everyone who knew her, knew how much she liked her tea. My father, a coffee drinker, asked me if I wanted the Murchie's tea, and I jumped at the chance. Even though I didn't drink tea very often, it was something that I closely connected with my mother, so of course I wanted the tea. There are two boxes (with 75 tea bags per box) of Earl Grey, a box of English Afternoon, and a box of Golden Jubilee in one of my kitchen cabinets.

I drink much more tea now than I used to--because whenever I fix a cup of tea, I think of my mother. While I don't drink tea every day, I drink it almost every day, and, like my mom, sometimes I fix it in the middle of the day or after dinner, not just in the mornings.

I may never drink coffee ever again--it's my way of showing solidarity and preserving my mother's memory.