Birth

"What do you need to/ want to give birth to? What has been born through you? What new beginning are you responsible for?"

This is the Sunday Scribblings Prompt for the week, and I decided I needed to answer each question because I'm not creative enough to provide a spiffy, enlightening response.

I NEED to give birth to My Confident, Adult Self. I am my own worst enemy, wracked with feelings of self-doubt and childish insecurities. It causes me grief and sadness and prevents me from having healthy, meaningful relationships with people, especially MEN.

I have BORN two healthy, amazing children who reflect my Dominant genetic code and the accompanying strengths and weaknesses within that code. They may have their Father's Eyes and Hair Color, but everything else about them is linked to ME in so many ways. They LOOK like me, they ACT like me, and they BEHAVE like me. They are my "Mini-MEs." But, that is not such a good thing. I NEED to Mother them in a healthy, positive way, and I think I am doing an Okay Job in that department, but it could probably be improved upon.

I need to be RESPONSIBLE for a new beginning. I need to STOP immersing myself in my job, so I can spend more time and energy on my kids. I also need to take better care of myself because even if I think "nobody" gives a shit about me, that's not really true.

Mess

Ouch.

I will begin this prompt with an admission, followed by a list of excuses.

My house is messy. Not dirty--I vacuum, mop, dust, and scrub those surfaces that are most often used/noticed (floors, countertops, toilets, shelves). Trash is removed and emptied on a regular basis. General clutter; however, is my nemesis. Papers and junk mail routinely pile up on kitchen countertops and the dining room table. Books and magazines stack up on the coffee table. Clean laundry requiring ironing will hang on a rack in the laundry room for weeks at a time.

My house is never suitable for company. Fortunately, I work so much (and volunteer so much... and sleep so much...and read so much...and watch TV so much) that I rarely have the time or opportunity to invite "company" into my home.

Most of my friends--especially my Single Working Mom Friends--have equally catastrophic homes. Consequently, our favorite satellite TV shows are "Clean House" and "Hoarders" because they make us feel superior.

At least our houses don't look THAT bad!

While I was away on vacation, a friend of mine and her teenage daughters took care of our dogs and watered my plants. I came home to find my kitchen counters cleaned and tidied, the dishes in the dishwasher washed and put away. My friend is a Stay-at-Home Mom who keeps an immaculate, "showcase" home at all times. I think she looked at my dirty oven and cluttered countertops, and it made her "twitchy." She couldn't help herself--she HAD to clean them! I didn't know if I should be horrified and ashamed to learn that my house was so messy that she felt compelled to clean it, or if I should enthusiastically "re-hire" her for when I go to Philadelphia in August, so she can start on my garage.

I saw plenty of "showcase" homes when I was House-Hunting. I watch Home Improvement/Make-Over shows and "ooh" and "ahhh" as much as the next person, but ALL of those shows convert spaces into looking like Hotel Rooms. I don't WANT to live in a Hotel Room! I get particularly "bugged" when they put a whole bunch of store-bought "dust-catchers" on shelves to represent a "theme." HUH? I'm sorry, but the STUFF on my shelves should be items I personally-selected that actually MEAN something to ME and my kids and NOT something you snatched off a shelf at Cost Plus or bought online from HomeGoods!

When I walk into a person's HOME, I feel "uncomfortable" if it looks like a Hotel Room.

When you walk into MY home you see Dog Beds (so you know we are Dog-People NOT Cat-People.) You will also see bookcases in every room and books scattered about coffee tables, end tables and other raised surfaces. (So you know we are "Bookish" people.) You will also find my mother's quilted creations hanging on the walls, along with other "artwork" (framed prints and personal photos) reflecting people and places that actually mean something to me and my children.

You will see furniture that I "inherited" from my Grandmother. You might have to step over kids' backpacks and Video Game Systems and Controllers. But, you will find an impressive collection of cookbooks and an assortment of prints and signs tacked to the walls expressing our collectively sarcastic sense of humor. You will find a collage frame in the entryway filled with pictures of my mother. You will find stacks of papers on the kitchen counter and in my bedroom related to my JOB because I am fortunate enough to HAVE a job that allows me to work from home once or twice a week.

Yeah, so my House is MESSY, but so is LIFE. I have limited amounts of "down-time" as a Working Mom with a Demanding Career. I choose to spend that time engaging in "other" activities that do not always include "de-cluttering" my Living Space. Sometimes I sleep-in on Saturday mornings until Noon. Sometimes I get up at 7:00 am just so I can treat my kids to Homemade Cinnamon Rolls. Sometimes I chuck it all and Go Fishing.

I work because I HAVE TO. It never, ever occurred to me that there could be/would be any other kind of life. My mother, as brilliant as she was, had limited opportunities, and she HATED that. She LOVED the fact that my sister and I had CAREERS and while she was alive, she bent over backwards to support them.

So, if my House is "messy," my response is "Who Cares?" And, if so, "WHY?"

It's MY HOUSE. Also, I'm doing the Best I Can.

I am a Mother and an Employee. I also used to be a Wife. I couldn't do anything well when I tried to be everything all at once. So, I chose my battles.

Housework, obviously, did not make the "Short List."

Yellowstone Vacation

Back from vacation, and I currently have over 300 digital photos to sort and organize, so I can order prints! Yellowstone is amazing, awesome, incredible, beautiful, and fascinating!

We saw snow-capped mountains.

We saw geysers and molten, bubbling mud.

We saw craters filled with brilliant blue water, emitting clouds of steam that smelled like rotten eggs (we blamed the smell on my son, accusing him of farting too much in public places.)

We saw Lake Yellowstone, which, to desert dwellers such as ourselves, looked like the ocean, it was so big!

We saw waterfalls and canyons.

And, of course, we saw animals!

Elk!

Bison!

And (my favorite part of the whole trip) a Mama Grizzly Bear with her two little cubbies--a mere 5 yards from the side of the road!

We took these photos from INSIDE the car, keeping a respectful distance! When Mama Bear noticed the "Paparrazzi," she quickly retreated for the hills! So, we had to take a picture of her backside, and no, Mama Grizzly Bear, that outfit does NOT make your butt look big. You are perfect just the way you are! (And your babies are ADORABLE!)

We also saw a moose, and two bald eagles sitting in their nest near the West Entrance, but those pictures are on my daughter's camera, and I haven't uploaded them to my computer yet.

We got snowed on, missed Old Faithful (who chose NOT to perform on schedule, and we got bored--and cold and wet, since it was SNOWING--so we chose not to wait around anymore, and we dissed him.) We also trashed our rental car--seriously! In a mere Six Days my kids got it as dirty and full of trash as my 6-year-old Toyota! I spent entirely too much money on souvenirs--I kept thinking that this might be my only chance to visit Yellowstone, so I needed a T-shirt...and a hat...and a bumper sticker...and some magnets...and a water bottle...

We discovered that Idaho is full of potato farms (miles and M.I.L.E.S of potato farms), and that Jackson Hole, WY is EXACTLY like Santa Fe, only "whiter" and lacking cultural/historical sensitivity and integrity. I drove the Teton Pass not once, but FOUR times, with white knuckles the entire way (NOT a fan of 10% grades on narrow mountain roads with sheer cliffs on one side, no guardrail, and hairpin curves.) We invented new "games to play in the car," like a new version of "Slug-a-Bug" involving punching the person next to you every time you spotted an LDS church while driving through Southern Idaho and Northern Utah (ha ha--aren't we funny and full of religious intolerance!) We also amused ourselves during the long drives in and out and around the park by tuning in to comedy stations on Syrius Satellite Radio. I believe we can recite the stand-up routines of George Lopez, Bill Cosby, Jerry Seinfeld, Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, and Bill Engvall by heart.

Yellowstone is full of people who are not Americans. I think we were the only Americans present last week, or at least we were the only ones speaking English without an accent! Yellowstone is also full of men sporting ridiculously large and expensive camera equipment. Every time I passed a middle-aged man on a trail sporting a zoom lens the size of a Civil War-era cannon, I thought to myself, "compensating for something?" Ha ha ha!

As I was "reflecting" on this vacation--my first "real" vacation with my kids in 10 years--I realized that this is also probably the first time since I was on maternity leave that I have spent 24 uninterrupted hours a day with my kids for more than 5 days in a row.

About two hours after we returned home, I drove them over to their father's house and dropped them off for the rest of the week because we were sick of each other.

Oh, just kidding--it wasn't because I wanted to, it's just that I had to go into the office in the morning, and they are on summer break and wanted to stay up late and sleep in. But it makes for a funny joke, right?

Wow! These things called "Vacations"? I think I like them! Must take more!