I Believe...

I believe miracles do still happen.

I believe that a positive attitude can change everything.

I believe that hard work and doing the right thing will be rewarded.

I believe in forgiveness and second chances.

I believe in self-reliance.

I believe in gratitude.

I believe that if you want something done right, you should do it yourself.

I believe that some things are better left unsaid.

I believe in consequences.

I believe in learning from your mistakes.

I believe that good things happen, but sometimes they take awhile.

Christmas

We had a low-key Christmas this year, just the 3 of us. The kids spent Christmas Eve lamenting the loss of their belief in Santa Clause, but they were excited Christmas morning to open presents. There were LOTS under our tree, even for me. My sister and my Dad made sure I had plenty to open as well. We spent hours playing Rock Band on the Wii, which was the "big deal" present my kids received this year. I made a nice dinner with a Prime Rib Roast and the green bean casserole and mashed potatoes my kids love. I spoke to my sister and my Dad on the phone, and we spent the day in our pajamas or comfortable clothes. No one to visit, nowhere to go, but that was okay. Sometimes it's good to have a quiet, unencumbered Christmas. While small in terms of attendees, the holiday was still large--filled with material goods, set in a large, warm house we can call our own.

I know Christmases aren't like ours for everyone, so I am grateful for what I have been able to provide. I love Christmas, but it saddens me, too. All the emphasis on buying gifts and having family must be so hard on those with no money to spend or no family to visit. Christmas has become so "over-hyped" that it becomes difficult to enjoy. So much pressure, so much to do. I'm glad I didn't go crazy this year trying to live up to the commercials. Some years I do, and it makes me irritable and stressed-out. This year, I just took it all in stride, accomplished what I was able to accomplish, and didn't lose sleep over the things I didn't accomplish.

Christmas still arrived, despite the fact that I never took the kids to the Botanical Gardens to look at the lights and never made it to the Christmas Eve service at Church. I forgot to take pictures of the kids opening presents Christmas morning, and I never got around to making fudge or gingerbread cookies.

But we still had Christmas; my kids are happy; I am happy, and, most importantly, I am also completely and totally relaxed. Maybe next year I'll go crazy over Christmas and get it all done, but this year, it felt good to just keep it low-key.

Late

What a timely prompt! Christmas Day is fast approaching, and I am late. Late finishing up my Christmas shopping, late getting started on my Christmas baking and candy-making, late getting my annual Christmas Newsletter printed and mailed, and staying up late trying to get everything done! I am also late posting this for Sunday Scribblings!

I could try to blame my job or my mood or the weather, but the truth is this happens to me every year. I always think I have plenty of time, but despite list-making and good intentions, nothing ever works out according to plan, so I spend the week before Christmas a stressed-out Mad Woman. I keep trying to "relax" and remind myself that I can pull this off. It's only the 3 of us for Christmas this year, so there really is no need to run around like a crazed lunatic, except that I do anyway.

My Mom never had these kinds of problems preparing for the holidays. She was so organized--the ultimate Project Manager and List-Maker. She mapped everything out, and she very strictly adhered to her Plan. I fail miserably with my attempts at the same. Of course, about 10 hours of my day are sucked away by the Job, so that certainly puts a damper on my ability to accomplish much. Some years, I make lists, but don't designate deadlines, so the list falls by the wayside. Other years (like this one), I never find the time to even make the list!

But, I forgive myself. I will get done what I get done. I'll make a list and start my Christmas cards earlier next year--I promise!

I don't want to be a crazed lunatic for the holidays. I made biscochitos and Santa Bread this weekend, and I have the day off on Monday and will do some more baking then. Most of my shopping is done--I just need to pick up a few stocking stuffers for my sister and my son. All of the gifts I ordered online arrived and are gift-wrapped. My grocery shopping is done. So, I still have a few days to enjoy and anticipate Christmas! Here are pictures of Santa Bread, before it is baked, so you can see how the dough is shaped.

And after it is baked, so you can see how cute it looks! Mmmm...my house smells like fresh-baked bread! Aren't you jealous?

I like having a few days left to just enjoy the holidays--to watch Christmas movies, read books about Christmas, and drive around town searching out ridiculously extravagant (and, ultimately, tacky) Christmas light displays. The kids and I will have a relaxing, low-key day with a simple menu--prime rib roast, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and yorkshire pudding. Nothing fussy or difficult--all things my kids will actually eat (I wanted to do an updated version of Beef Wellington, that substitutes a chopped mushroom pate for goose liver pate, but my kids looked at me like I was crazy--so, maybe next year!)

I have the day off from work today--the first day off I have had in a loooooooong time, and it was very much needed. (Although, I am still checking in on my emails periodically because I am addicted to work.) Once the kids get up, I'm going to spend the day just doing stuff with them. My son has birthday money to spend, and my daughter wants to make a gingerbread house. I'm trying to savor the few remaining days until Christmas. I always feel sort of "deflated" on Christmas night--a feeling like the holiday ended too soon, before I had a chance to enjoy it. All of the scurrying about beforehand detracts from it somehow. It's like there is all this work to do to get ready, and then, suddenly, Christmas Day is here, and it's over.

So, I'm making a conscious effort this year to make these last few days really COUNT.

Traditions

This is going to be a long post, since I have Christmas on my brain, and a To-Do List a mile long to make sure we cover all of our family traditions this year!

My mother's father's family was German, and she spent her childhood Christmases with her grandparents, aunts, and uncles in Ohio. But, my great grandmother was a notoriously bad cook, so there are no "family recipes" on German cooking to pass down (perhaps that is a good thing). My grandparents moved to Arizona when my mother and her sisters were young, so, away from extended family, new traditions had to begin. Unfortunately, my grandparents weren't the warmest of parents and did not have kid-oriented Christmases, so when my mother had a family of her own, she compensated by creating our own Christmas traditions, which evolved over the years, through trial and error.

One Christmas, during my Little House on the Prairie phase, we decorated our tree by stringing popcorn and cranberries, which were later placed on the trees outside for the birds to eat. Another year, we did a Victorian Christmas, complete with "crackers," mincemeat pies, and Plum Pudding with Hard Sauce.

Living in New Mexico with a mother who was fascinated by local culture, artwork, and history, we adopted local traditions, like having posole, tamales, enchiladas, and other New Mexican fare on Christmas Eve. We also put out farolitos on Christmas Eve (brown paper lunch sacks filled with a bit of sand to weight them down, and a votive candle). Entire neighborhoods in our community would line streets and driveways with these "little lanterns" to "light the way for the Christ Child." (People in New Mexico argue all the time over whether they are farolitos or luminarias--I say farolito because "farol" means lantern and "luminar" involves bonfires, so farolito, "little lantern," seems more fitting than "little bonfire.") We would all pitch in to get the farolitos up in our own yard, and then we would drive around on Christmas Eve enjoying the miles and miles of farolitos in other neighborhoods, Christmas music playing in the car stereo. We have been known to wear Santa Hats, Elf Ears, or Reindeer Antlers while doing this! One year we all wore Santa Hats and Groucho Glasses (including the nose and moustache, of course!)

We never put up the Christmas Tree until the week after Thanksgiving, and we always put lights out on the trees and bushes in the front yard. Santa presents always made their appearance unwrapped, or in a plain white gift box tied with red or green yarn. We still received "Santa Presents" into adulthood. We watched all of the Christmas specials on TV with at least one viewing of It's a Wonderful Life. We read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas from a beautifully-illustrated book before bed on Christmas Eve, when we were allowed to open just one present. Some years, we were able to persuade my parents to let us open ALL the presents on Christmas Eve, but this only occured if we would be hosting Christmas Dinner with our good friends the next day, which required lots of cooking and table-setting, so sometimes my parents would relent.

We always got out my mother's wedding china and silverware, which meant polishing the silver because it was silver-plated (one of the few chores I enthusiastically participated in each year because I loved her silverware and dishes). My mother passed down the wedding china to me a few years ago after replacing it with more contemporary Dansk dishes and a complete set of Christmas dishes. She knew how much I loved her china and was pleased to hand it down to make room for her current taste in dishes (her wedding china was really selected for her by my grandmother).

There were always craft projects and holiday ornament-making growing up. My mother often got these ideas out of magazines, and she kept us occupied all month long with these projects, which were often given away to friends and teachers as gifts. I still have several of them for my own tree--counted cross-stitch designs in frames, patchwork hearts, stuffed and trimmed with lace, Victorian Christmas scenes decoupaged onto wooden cut-outs).

My mother made homemade candy (taffy, prailines, caramels, peanut brittle, fudge) and cookies (shortbread, meringues, apricot-nut bars, and a half dozen others). The older we got, and the more accomplished my mother became, the "fancier" the cookie trays became. We packaged them up and delivered or mailed them to relatives and neighbors. Everything was always entirely homemade and while the recipes changed from year-to-year, they were always elegant and something we only made at Christmastime.

Christmas music was always playing in the house non-stop, and my mother had an enormous collection. My grandfather worked for Goodyear Aerospace and every year Goodyear gave their employees a holiday album, compiled by various popular singers. But my mother had all kinds of other albums as well--folk singers (Peter, Paul, and Mary's Christmas Album is still one of my favorites), handbells, music box collections, children's choirs, jazz, classical guitar, piano solos...the list went on and on. Her collection grew every year. I spent two Christmases in college working in a department store, listening to hour after hour of Christmas music while dealing with rude customers, so that experience kind of ruined Christmas music for me, so I don't listen to it much unless I'm decorating the tree or baking. There were also stacks and stacks of Christmas books--from childrens' stories to collections of Christmas traditions and celebrations around the world. Now I have a huge box of holiday books for my kids, as well as for myself. We get them out and flip through them all month long. I always read O. Henry's Gift of the Magi, and it still makes me cry, every year!

I still do most of these things with my own kids, but I have adapted them to fit into my reality which involves a full-time job and limited time to cook and bake and sew. We rarely do craft projects and homemade ornaments, for example. The only candy I make is Toffee, coated with chocolate and chopped pecans. Sometimes I'll do fudge and divinity. The only cookies I make are shortbread, gingerbread (to decorate), and biscochitos (a traditional New Mexican cookie--full of shortening, seasoned with anise, and sprinkled with plenty of cinnamon sugar). Sometimes I'll add macaroons or some fancy recipe I found in a magazine, but not often. Everybody I know seems to be on a diet anyway, and my kids aren't big cookie eaters (I know! They are so weird!), so I don't do nearly as much baking as I used to. I'd like to continue with the New Mexican Christmas Eve menu, but my kids aren't big fans of Mexican food (too spicy!), so I'll have to add quesadillas, and save the tamales and enchiladas for myself! Posole is a stew made with hominy, pork, chile, onions, and tomatoes--again not something my kids will eat, but it is so good with homemade tortillas, and I can always freeze the leftovers and have it on New Year's Day (for good luck)!

So much of our holiday traditions revolve around food. Now that I'm a "grown-up," I've developed my own specialties that I am known for, just like my Mom had hers. These are mine:

1. Homemade Egg Nog. The recipe I use has a cooked custard base (no raw eggs), and is absolutely "to die for." The kids drink it plain, the grown-ups add kahlua. My little nephew had his first taste of it last year, and he said, "Mmmmmm....more?" We called it "Christmas Milk" for him!

2. Cheese Ball. These are so easy, it's embarrassing, but people--including my kids--love them, so I give them as gifts to co-workers, and I always send at least one to my in-laws. My cheese ball combines cream cheese with sharp cheddar cheese, a couple cloves of garlic, chopped black olives, and a little evaporated milk. I shape them into balls and roll them in a mixture of finely chopped pecans and smoked paprika.

3. Santa Bread. This actually evolved from one of my Mother's ideas for Teacher Gifts one year. We bought frozen bread dough, and using instructions from a magazine, shaped the dough into Santa faces--we rolled out a large oval, then cut "fringe" all around, about an inch wide and two inches deep. Then, we twisted the strips and made them into "curls" that looked like hair and a beard. A few small pieces of dough were rolled into eyes, a nose, and a twisted moustache. The dough was brushed with egg white and water (for "shine") and baked to perfection. I do the bread dough from scratch now, using a dinner roll recipe that requires more sugar than most, eggs, milk, and butter for a rich, sweet dough that tastes great on Christmas morning with butter and jam. These used to go to family and friends, but sometimes the list includes co-workers and neighbors. I still make one for my in-laws every year and also for the kids' teachers. The teachers love it so much, that sometimes we have to make a few extra for the Teacher's Lounge, so their previous year teachers can have it again! I make anywhere from 10 to 18 Santa Breads each year--that's a lot of bread dough! But, people rave about it, and it costs next to nothing, except time, plus it's good for my ego. (Amazing how nutty people can be over something so simple as homemade bread!) The kids love it, too, and now they even help make it--they like making Santa's curls and eyeballs! They'll ask me, "when are we going to start making Santa Breads?" and people around us will ask, "What in the world is Santa Bread?" And then we have to tell them the story. It's taken on a life of it's own--it's practically legendary at the kids' elementary school! Some of my friends and co-workers will actually call me up and ask, timidly and hopefully, "Are we getting a Santa Bread this year?" Honestly, it's beginning to get out of control! I work full-time! I can only do so much! I have to start early in December and keep half of them in the freezer in order to get them all done by Christmas Eve. Fortunately, each recipe makes 2 Santa Breads, but still...! Ah, well, I love the attention, so I do it every year, without fail.

Divorce hasn't had too much of an impact on our holidays. I still have 2 weekends of the month to cram in holiday festivities with my kids. If I don't have them for the week of Christmas, we just wait and celebrate when they return. We lose the Christmas Eve ritual, but that isn't as important now that they are older--at least they always had it when they were younger. Not being a part of my ex's family has altered my traditions somewhat--he had a large family, so they were the people I made cookies and candy for, since my Mom had our side covered. I do miss being a part of my in-laws celebrations and baking for them.

I hope that when my kids are grown, they will look back and associate certain things with me, just as I do with my own Mom. Traditions are meant to be shared and repeated--they should bring people together, whether it's watching movies or driving around looking at Christmas lights. There should be elements of music, food, and story-telling.

My Dad is going to Arizona to spend Christmas with my sister this year, and I was thinking I could make up some of Mom's cookie and candy recipes to send along. I have most of her recipes, but I'm not sure I can do them justice, and I'm not sure any of us can enjoy them without a tremendous feeling of sadness and loss. I'll have to think on that for awhile.

I also have to figure out what to do about Christmas lights now that we are in a new house. This house has a very stark, barren front yard without trees or bushes, so that means my only option is to put lights up on my house, which will require a ladder, and multiple extension cords, not to mention actually FINDING my boxes of Christmas lights which are still buried in my garage, behind all of those boxes from my move that have yet to be unpacked.

Perhaps I'll just wait until Christmas Eve and do farolitos instead...