New Hobby

When I first got divorced, I was pre-occupied by the chaos and change of establishing separate households, worrying over my children and how they were coping, and how I would let the rest of the world know what had happened (I wound up "announcing the news" in my Christmas Card Letters, 5 months after the divorce had been finalized--wow, wasn't THAT graceful?) There was no time or energy left over to focus on myself. I just tried to get through one day at a time, then one week at a time, and then (for a long time), one paycheck to the next. I held it together the best I could, hoping my children would see my strengths rather than my weaknesses. I had to adjust to separation from my children for days at a time, for the first time ever. And, even then, I didn't spend that time focusing on doing things for myself. I pretty much sat around sobbing and feeling sorry for myself until the kids came home. I didn't clean my house or cook or do much of anything. I certainly didn't go anywhere.

But it's 3 years later, and I no longer cry when my kids go to their dad's. Sometimes I even look forward to it because I finally get a break from the cooking...and the laundry...and the nagging...and the whining...

I sleep late in the mornings, put in some extra hours at work, poke around in bookstores or the public library, watch movies that aren't rated G. I still don't clean my house because I don't want to spend my "free-time" cleaning. It's MY time, and I have learned to embrace it, rather than fear it. I put in extra hours at work (which is okay because I love my job and those few extra hours help me to get organized and meet my deadlines). I shop. I buy "gifts" for myself. I run errands, so I won't have to drag the kids around when they come home. Sometimes I tackle some particularly onerous chores, and sometimes I dink around on the internet coming up with new ideas of how I should spend my free time.

My son is a Cub Scout, and several of my "new friends" are other Cub Scout Moms. Our Pack goes camping as a group every summer, and I look forward to it every year. Most people find it surprising that I have learned to enjoy camping. I am not a particularly "outdoorsy" type. I was always the "girly-girl," the cheerleader, the prissy woman who hated to go a day without a shower and never went anywhere in public without makeup on. But I have a new appreciation for camping, thanks to scouting. Our Pack Leader takes us places (within this state I have lived in my entire life) that I have never been to before. I have a much better appreciation for "wilderness" because it is a peaceful, serene escape. No cell phones, no TV, no computers. It's absolute darkness, fresh air, scenic vistas.

Through Scouting Camping Trips, I also re-discovered fishing. I used to go fishing with my Dad and my Grandpa all the time as a kid. I never particularly cared for it unless I caught something--my competitive nature enjoyed the thrill of accomplishment--but I was not particularly patient or capable of sitting still for long periods of time. The Daddy-Daughter fishing trips became non-existent when my sister and I reached our Teens. Our father was busy working long hours at a stressful job he didn't particularly care for, but that he took on to make more money because he was preparing to provide for our college educations. I never missed it. But now, after fishing on the Scouting trips, I have realized that fishing is a great hobby. I live in the Southwest, in a state with few lakes. Most of our lakes are actually man-made. But, my state has hidden pockets of natural beauty, particularly around those lakes--even the man-made ones. I like bodies of water. I find them calming, soothing, peaceful. Fishing is also calming, soothing, and peaceful. It's the ONLY time in my life where I am able to make my mind "be still." When I am fishing, I'm not "thinking" about things or reflecting on my life. I'm actually thinking about fishing--what bait I want to try, where I want to place it, where I think the fish might be during a certain time of day. But that, in itself, is an escape. I'm thinking about fishing--I'm NOT THINKING about my divorce, or my ex, or my job, or my kids, or my 30-pound post-divorce weight gain that I need to do something about.

I have become a Woman Who Fishes. It's my new hobby, and I am entirely self-taught. I remember nothing my Dad and my Grandpa tried to teach me, besides how to cast. So, I bought a book (because you can learn everything you need to know about anything from a book). That book taught me what kind of bait and tackle to buy. I learned how to tie knots in fishing line to properly attach that bait and tackle. I learned where fish are likely to "hang out" during different times of day. One weekend while the kids were at their dad's, I took myself camping. I pitched the tent all by myself. I cooked over charcoal for the first time in about 15 years. I spent a good 10 hours fishing at various times of the day, retreating to the cool shade of my tent in the afternoon to do some reading and take a nap. I didn't catch a darn thing, but that wasn't the point. It was a restful, relaxing, completely ALONE weekend. My mother was apopleptic that I would do something "so dangerous," convinced that a serial killer would prey upon me in my aloneness. (I don't think serial killers expect to find vulnerable females alone at a campground. I was probably safer there than I am in my local grocery store parking lot.)

Next summer, when my kids go to their father's house for an arduous 8 weeks of separation from me, I plan to spend much of that "alone time" fishing. I might even sign up for a week-long Women's Wilderness program in Colorado to learn about backpacking and flyfishing. For my birthday, I just might tell my parents I would like a pair of Waders.

Who knows?

I'm just full of surprises these days!