Well, I had my long-awaited Court Hearing last week, and although we were only allotted 15 minutes before the Judge, we were there for 2 hours. Much to my surprise, a lot was accomplished. At first, I thought it was going to drag on for another 4 months. Because neither one of us would "budge" on the money issues, we were going to have to go to an evidentiary hearing, where my ex would proceed to try and show that I was delinquent with child support and alimony payments, and my attorney would proceed to prove that I wasn't. I was not happy about this, and not because I didn't think I could "win," but because I knew it meant another $3,000 to $5,000 in attorney fees and for what? The best I could possibly hope for was child support in arrears back to when this whole mess started and a motion was filed to modify it, which would be July 2006. My ex is grossly "underemployed" working as an "education aide" in the public schools making a whopping $12,900 a year. Yep. 43 years old, and that's the best he can do. Keep in mind that he left a job that paid over $35,000 to "go back to school." He still doesn't have his degree, but says he expects to receive a Bachelor's in University Studies (aka "Underwater Basket Weaving") in February once his "correspondence courses" come in. In order to become a teacher (his ultimate goal), he still has to complete an alternative licensure program and pass the State Teacher's Exam--an Exam I don't think he can pass. So, $12,900 is probably the best he will do. Even if the Judge imputed income (which wasn't likely since he was a "full-time student" from July 2006 forward), I'd have to spend thousands of dollars in attorney fees to obtain a judgment of--at best--$7,000 and potentially much less (like $2,000 which wouldn't even cover my attorney fees). Irregardless of the amount, my hopes of collecting on it would be slim to none. The court would most likely allow him to pay the "arrearages" in small monthly payments of no more than about $50. Whoop de freaking doo.
So, my ex asks if he can speak to me privately--without attorneys and without the wife present. He agrees not to pursue any more claims that I was delinquent and sign a child support worksheet figuring child support based on his paltry $12,900/year. In exchange, I have to agree not to pursue arrearages in child support for 2006 and 2007. He also has to agree to amend his 2006 income tax return, where he under-reported his alimony income in a lame attempt to get me audited by the IRS (it didn't work).
While this is a shitty deal for me, it would at least put an end to my attorney fees and resolve things for once and for all. His wife is madder than hell, but he will be the one that has to deal with her wrath, and that, my friends, just may be the best punishment of all. My parents are pissed at me for not pursuing the back child support, but from my perspective that was a waste of time. Spend a couple thousand dollars to obtain a judgment of about the same amount, that may or may not be collectible? Sounds like a poor risk to me. There is also a clause in the agreement requiring the child support to be re-calculated in August, so if he does by some small miracle get a teaching job, I can up the ante at that time and request that I receive payments via a wage order. If he doesn't get a teaching job, I doubt he will continue to work for a mere $12,900/year and suspect he will look for a new job that pays better. Again, I can always amend the child support if that happens. Because the kids are with me more than 65% of the time, his child support obligation is going to be huge if he starts earning $35,000/year again, and that will not make the wife happy, as she really enjoyed spending his alimony income and marital settlement last year, and I am sure she has missed the extra spending money. Now, even if he does start contributing to their household income, a significant portion of his pay is going to come back to me.
My attorney did not think I was getting a very good deal. My parents definitely think I made a bad deal, but they aren't the ones that have to deal with him. They aren't the ones that have to take my kids to counseling appointments. They aren't the ones who have to re-arrange their personal lives to accommodate time-sharing agreements. As for me, it's a good deal because it finally resolves everything. The money is not important--I don't need any help from him to take care of my kids. I am a successful career woman. I can (and do) provide everything they need. Whatever money I get from him will go directly into their college savings plans, with a few hundred being spent here and there for music lessons, activities, and new clothes. It's only money, and money is not nearly as important as reaching a cooperative agreement where no one is under attack anymore.
I'm sick of dealing with this, and I'm sick of thinking about it. I just wanted it over, and now it is. Yes, I forfeited my "right" to some additional money, but it wasn't money I had ever had, so it's not like I missed it. Money was what we were fighting over, and that just seemed to be a losing proposition all the way around. With nothing left to fight over, maybe, just maybe, we can try to start working together again for the sake of the kids. My ex expressed a willingness to negotiate the summer timesharing schedule to prevent the kids from being separated from me for 2 entire months with no visitation. He also expressed a willingness to work with me on trading a week here or there to accommodate my travel schedule. Of course, when the time comes, he may be completely uncooperative, but that's a chance I'm willing to take. I've already accepted what the timesharing plan says on paper, so if that's what I'm stuck with, so be it, but if there is any chance that he and I can actually communicate and work with one another again, I have to take it, for my kids' sake.
Sometimes you just have to suck it up and be the bigger person. Take the high road, and do what's best for the two innocent victims of this whole thing--my son and daughter. I hope someday they will understand that I did this for them, despite the cost to me, because their comfort and happiness mattered far more to me than money. And when they look back at everything their father told them about the divorce, they will realize that his biggest concern has always been how much money he could get from me--not to help him provide things for them, but to provide things for himself and his new wife. And I hope they will also see that he chose a new wife over his relationship with them. I, on the other hand, will always choose them.
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